So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
