He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
