We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Panties = found
Randomize
