Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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