You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
