ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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