just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
