I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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