She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
