When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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