even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
