i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
