so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
