I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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