woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
