I smell stomach acid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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