Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
