You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
