I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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