Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
