is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
