i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
