Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
