remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
