do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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