So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
