I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
