haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
