He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
