Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
