My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
