wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
