i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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