As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
