Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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