we're blogging at a bar
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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