Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
