I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
