Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
