well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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