"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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