Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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