So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
