Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
