Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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