thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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