hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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