Actions speak louder than pants.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
