Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
