After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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