I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
